I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
