fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
