Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
