Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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