I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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