Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
