Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
