nut hugger
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
