I think my fart just growled at me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
