I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
