oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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