I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
