What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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