and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
