my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
