I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
