So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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