I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
