Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
