he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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