mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
two words: eviction party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is the high leading the old right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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