So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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