All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
