I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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