I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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