So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
