Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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