Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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