we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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