I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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