Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
