shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
