Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
