He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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