I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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