so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
