Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
