i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
