she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
