I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
