So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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