Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
