If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
