Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
