Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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