i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
