I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
