Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
