Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
