I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
