haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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