btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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