I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
