Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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