do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
